wolfsbride

So we were trying again with Mom's case worker. Apparently, they can do what is called an emergency assessment which allows them to place people somewhere, on a continuing temporary basis until more permanent facilities can be found. So, that is what my friend who is helping me had tried to arrange for today.

( The Saga )

First, ma and I went to the doctor. After getting all the health things out of the way, when we get down to the issue of the letter he's supposed to write, he was all is there a form to fill out???

I'm like.. uh. no. you said you knew how to do this??

So then he turns to mom and says: Okay, Rosalie - a power of attorney is piece of paper that will let Judith help you with financial and legal matters. Do you understand and is that okay?

And mom is all.. well that sounds like a good idea for down the road. And the doctor is all.. no, it's a good idea for right NOW. Is that okay? And my mom is all well i don't know about these things and rambles all around the bush about how it's a good idea for the future. Finally the doctor just gave up and scribbled on the pad that I came for a power of attorney. So fat lot of good that's going to do us.

So then we went to the notary and she did the same thing to the notary. The woman tried every combination of words.. and all my mom would say was oh that sounds like a good idea for down the road. And then it turns out that SHE needs id anyway, so even if she'd said yes it would have been a no go.

Anyway, she got us to sign the papers. But she can't make them official until we get ma to say yes its okay for me to look after her finances and show id. So she said to set up another appointment when the id comes in and we'll try again then. In the meantime she's going to talk to the doctor and see if she can get him to write up something a little more formal. I don't know why the hell she didn't do that in the first place.

So, I'm still no further ahead than I was. Tomorrow I'm going to try call ma's bank and see if I can talk to the branch manager again. There's got to be a way that they can ID her on a visual basis and let her do her banking that way.

So... This afternoon I was getting ma ready to go out to run some errands since I can't leave her alone now. She was just inside the kitchen and I was just outside getting ready to head to the door when she pipes up with... Oh, I think I'll have a glass of this juice here. Now I'm all.. Juice? What juice? So I go back to see what the hell she's talking about.

She has a small glass on the counter empty but in her hand was a bottle of all purpose cleaner that HAPPENED to be orange coloured. My mind is boggling. I say to her.. Mom. Read the label. What does it say?

Mom: All purpose cleaner.

Me: So?

Mom: *looks at me blankly*

Me: *thinking... ooookay* It means you can't drink it okay?

Mom: Oh.

Me: *promptly hides it away.

Like... so now I'm going to have to child proof the house. Fortunately, out of sight equals out of mind for my mother. But OMG! She was going to DRINK it!

Though... It's a sad thing to say... If she had; I'd get to take her to emergency and then I'd be able to FORCE them to put her in the system instead of having to WAIT a billion years for the red tape to clear.

And they wonder why senior abuse is a problem.

I am slowly coming to the realization that perhaps trying to look after my mother in her home is not for the best after all.

My main reason for going this route in the first place was that I felt putting her in a home when she was still quite lucid would be a death knell to her. When I first brought her home from the hospital, her emotional state was quite despondent. She talked death and hiding away and other metaphors that reflected her wish to escape from this new thing that was happening to her. It was for that reason that I accepted the responsibility of looking after her. Also, at the time she was quite amenable.

However, as her emotional state has improved, her personality has become much more stubborn. As mentioned in other posts, she does not listen to anything I say. It's quite frustrating as we'll go to doctor appointments and the doctors will say now you must do this and this and she'll meekly nod and say yes, doctor. And then she'll come home and do the exact opposite.

I'm beginning to feel as though it would be better if a total stranger was interacting with her. I'm wondering if they would have better results in getting her to do things. For example, her personal hygiene is lacking. Like she'll wash up in the sink but she hasn't had a bath or shower or washed her hair for months. Every time I ask her if she wants me to help her with those things she blows it off or gets mad.

Today she went to take out the garbage and clearly got lost as she was gone for two and a half hours. I found her in the lobby standing around. I said to her what are you doing down here? She replied. Oh, I'm just looking around. When I mentioned that she was gone for two and a half hours and asked her if she got lost, she totally flipped out. I had been thinking of getting her some sort of id in order facilitate her recovery if she should go missing. Last week's class included a brochure for an id bracelet that is a bit like the medic alert bracelets in that if someone found her they call the number and then the staff would notify me of where she is. However, I could see that going the same way as the key alarm thing. She would probably refuse to wear it. I have been wondering if I should get a third party to discuss this matter with her rather than myself. Maybe if someone ELSE makes the suggestion, she'd be more likely to follow through.

The other reason I'm slowly coming to the realization that maybe a home is the better way is that even when the money thing is straightened out, I would be looking at having to hire several in home care people to look after her. I was thinking that this might end up costing the same or more than a facility would. Again though, there is the impact on her emotional state.

I think I'll have to talk to the specialist about this. Sadly the people at the Alzheimers Society are kinda useless for this sort of thing.

Ugggggh. I didn't do anything today because I woke up with a migraine. First one in a few months, though I'm not surprised. Anyway, I might as well have continued with my usual Sunday routine as getting my mother to grasp the fact that no, really. You need to leave me alone, just didn't cut it.

Sometimes I wonder if I made signs that said, you've already told me that or that answered the questions she's always asking me, would help or if they'd just be rude. Anyway, fortunately, her idiot gentleman friend came and took her to church so I was able to get some sleep.

I feel pretty good right now but man, I must remember not to let on that I'm sick ever again. It's like annoy you with kindness? Why YES!

I'm on a roll here it seems. I'm hoping she swings back the other way before she loses the pounds she gained earlier. Will try and get her into the doctor hopefully this week now that the weather is supposed to be non snowy and we'll see where we're at weight wise.

I'm still holding steady at 266, which considering I've not been exercising or eating particularly well was surprising.

I am considering cutting back my mother's snacks. I think that's part of the problem with the not eating dinner thing. At least I got breakfast and lunch into her.

Pro - It was delicious! I know you said you thought it needed more gravy but it was actually just right. And it was not overly salty as I have found store bought Shepard's pie to be.

Con - ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! Every five minutes... Is there something in the oven? The oven is hot. Can I turn off the oven?

I lie it wasn't every five minutes. At least not for the first hour. The last half hour though was a killer. That was pretty much every ten minutes and then in the last fifteen minutes it was like every three minutes.

BUT! I muscled through it and survived and had pie! So thanks very much!

So today I finally gave up on lawyers and phoned a notary about my situation with mom. They had to phone me back because at first they were giving me the same spiel as the lawyers did but as soon as I said - Darn. That's the same thing the lawyers told me. I was hoping you would have some suggestions. They were MORE than happy to go see if they could find someone that had any thoughts.

So. What I need to do is to have my doctor write a letter documenting the state of my mother's mental awareness and then bring it and her down to their office on the same day as when the letter was written.

I will keep you posted. I hope this works.

In other news, I'm still awake after going to bed at 12am and getting up at 5:15! Wot? And before you scold me, I didn't intend to get up at 5:15. I had thought I'd sleep right through until my intended get up time of 7:30 but for some reason I popped awake at that time and couldn't get back to sleep, so I got up and have been going ever since.

I sure hope I sleep through tonight.

...is that you can't legitimately get mad at them.

It'd be like screaming at a little kid. Or kicking a small animal.

A few minutes ago my mother woke me up to ask me if she can borrow my keys. She did this by grabbing my leg. I don't know about you, but I'm not good when startled awake.

After I discerned that she was wanting my keys because she couldn't find hers, I had to distract her because HELL IF I'M GOING TO GIVE HER MY KEYS SO SHE CAN LOSE THEM TOO. The losing the keys thing is an on going issue because my mother WILL NOT LISTEN to me when I tell her to PLEASE leave them pinned to her pocket.

No, she has to have them in her hand at all times. Consequently, she ends up putting them down all over the place.

So just now as I did a systematic search of the place, I guess she could sense that I was not at all happy because she stood in the hallway wringing her hands and repeating I'm sorry; I'm sorry; I'm sorry over and over again.

Which on the one hand made me want to scream at her that being sorry wasn't going to help find her keys and on the other hand made me feel like Hitler on a bad day.

I found her keys on top of the fridge. I have no idea. I honestly can't even fathom the series of events that would have led to that.

Its one of those 'I want to shove her under a bus' days.