wolfsbride: (Default)
So we were trying again with Mom's case worker. Apparently, they can do what is called an emergency assessment which allows them to place people somewhere, on a continuing temporary basis until more permanent facilities can be found. So, that is what my friend who is helping me had tried to arrange for today.

The Saga )
wolfsbride: (Default)
So, today one of mom's friends came over with some money and I took the opportunity to go shopping without mom. Bought enough easily made food items to hopefully last for a couple of weeks until the next lot of money comes in. Came home and made something for mom to eat and a salad for myself and sat down with mom and the friend.

After we'd eaten, I got up to get some of the dessert - ambrosia salad - that I had bought for mom because I know she likes sweet things. As I was working in the kitchen, mom's friend started to sort of ask her questions. We'd decided to do this because I could never get her to tell me what's going on in her head.

One of the questions her friend asked her was does she think I'm trust worthy. She wouldn't answer the question. She said things like - oh well, that's not important. Or that doesn't matter. So after a little more talking, her friend then asked her if I was taking good care of her. With no hesitation, my mother said: When it's convenient for her.

I could tell how shocked her friend was because she kinda fumbled and then was all.. but... she makes you food and takes you places doesn't she? Makes sure you're all right? And again my mother replied: When it's convenient for her.

So there you have it. Apparently, I should be holding her hand 24/7. Clearly the fact that I actually have to WORK to provide stuff for her has become this HUGE thing in her mind. Which, really, if she'd signed the damn power of attorney like she was supposed to, I wouldn't have to work so damn much to pay for things and then I COULD spend time with her.

So, when the lady finally left, I just cleaned up the few dishes and told her I was going to bed. And then I barred my door so she couldn't get in to bother me every five minutes like she normally does. I'm pretty much sitting in the dark crying as I write this because I've gone into debt and worn myself ragged looking after her and that's the thanks I get.

Tomorrow I'm going to see if the lady that lives close to us can take her for the whole day. I can't even look at her right now without wanting to punch her in the face.
wolfsbride: (Default)
First, ma and I went to the doctor. After getting all the health things out of the way, when we get down to the issue of the letter he's supposed to write, he was all is there a form to fill out???

I'm like.. uh. no. you said you knew how to do this??

So then he turns to mom and says: Okay, Rosalie - a power of attorney is piece of paper that will let Judith help you with financial and legal matters. Do you understand and is that okay?

And mom is all.. well that sounds like a good idea for down the road. And the doctor is all.. no, it's a good idea for right NOW. Is that okay? And my mom is all well i don't know about these things and rambles all around the bush about how it's a good idea for the future. Finally the doctor just gave up and scribbled on the pad that I came for a power of attorney. So fat lot of good that's going to do us.

So then we went to the notary and she did the same thing to the notary. The woman tried every combination of words.. and all my mom would say was oh that sounds like a good idea for down the road. And then it turns out that SHE needs id anyway, so even if she'd said yes it would have been a no go.

Anyway, she got us to sign the papers. But she can't make them official until we get ma to say yes its okay for me to look after her finances and show id. So she said to set up another appointment when the id comes in and we'll try again then. In the meantime she's going to talk to the doctor and see if she can get him to write up something a little more formal. I don't know why the hell she didn't do that in the first place.

So, I'm still no further ahead than I was. Tomorrow I'm going to try call ma's bank and see if I can talk to the branch manager again. There's got to be a way that they can ID her on a visual basis and let her do her banking that way.
wolfsbride: (Default)
After a run in with the same irate neighbour that she always manages to bother when she goes wandering without me, I taped a note that said she is not to out without me to the underside of the table in front of her couch - it has a glass top. After reading the note several times and trying to take it off, which she couldn't because she couldn't figure out that it's UNDER the table, she put a pile of books on top of it so that she doesn't have to look at it.


Clearly the DEVIOUS part of her brain is not yet scrambled.
wolfsbride: (interpretive crows)
So... This afternoon I was getting ma ready to go out to run some errands since I can't leave her alone now. She was just inside the kitchen and I was just outside getting ready to head to the door when she pipes up with... Oh, I think I'll have a glass of this juice here. Now I'm all.. Juice? What juice? So I go back to see what the hell she's talking about.

She has a small glass on the counter empty but in her hand was a bottle of all purpose cleaner that HAPPENED to be orange coloured. My mind is boggling. I say to her.. Mom. Read the label. What does it say?

Mom: All purpose cleaner.

Me: So?

Mom: *looks at me blankly*

Me: *thinking... ooookay* It means you can't drink it okay?

Mom: Oh.

Me: *promptly hides it away.

Like... so now I'm going to have to child proof the house. Fortunately, out of sight equals out of mind for my mother. But OMG! She was going to DRINK it!

Though... It's a sad thing to say... If she had; I'd get to take her to emergency and then I'd be able to FORCE them to put her in the system instead of having to WAIT a billion years for the red tape to clear.

And they wonder why senior abuse is a problem.
wolfsbride: (Default)
So this week I was all YAY because I had finally had a response from the notary. They emailed me a draft of the power of attorney document for my approval. I emailed them back with my approval and was tentatively hopefully that the whole issue would be resolved in the next couple of weeks.

I guess I should have remembered that the universe abhors imbalance or something. For every good thing there has to be an equal bad thing. Apparently, my mother has been bothering the neighbors by trying to get into their apartments. Unfortunately, all the doors look the same and I guess she's forgotten what the apartment number is. So I ASSUME she's been putting her key in people's locks and jiggling the door knob.

This means I can no longer leave her alone for even a short period of time. I will have to take her every where I go - excluding clients - until I get some sort of in home supervision or something going. Hopefully, the few clients that preferred to have me come out to their place will be understanding and won't mind just dropping their data off for me to work on.

I think on Monday I will also email the notary and ask them to hurry up with the appointment date and to make it sooner than later.
wolfsbride: (Default)
I am slowly coming to the realization that perhaps trying to look after my mother in her home is not for the best after all.

My main reason for going this route in the first place was that I felt putting her in a home when she was still quite lucid would be a death knell to her. When I first brought her home from the hospital, her emotional state was quite despondent. She talked death and hiding away and other metaphors that reflected her wish to escape from this new thing that was happening to her. It was for that reason that I accepted the responsibility of looking after her. Also, at the time she was quite amenable.

However, as her emotional state has improved, her personality has become much more stubborn. As mentioned in other posts, she does not listen to anything I say. It's quite frustrating as we'll go to doctor appointments and the doctors will say now you must do this and this and she'll meekly nod and say yes, doctor. And then she'll come home and do the exact opposite.

I'm beginning to feel as though it would be better if a total stranger was interacting with her. I'm wondering if they would have better results in getting her to do things. For example, her personal hygiene is lacking. Like she'll wash up in the sink but she hasn't had a bath or shower or washed her hair for months. Every time I ask her if she wants me to help her with those things she blows it off or gets mad.

Today she went to take out the garbage and clearly got lost as she was gone for two and a half hours. I found her in the lobby standing around. I said to her what are you doing down here? She replied. Oh, I'm just looking around. When I mentioned that she was gone for two and a half hours and asked her if she got lost, she totally flipped out. I had been thinking of getting her some sort of id in order facilitate her recovery if she should go missing. Last week's class included a brochure for an id bracelet that is a bit like the medic alert bracelets in that if someone found her they call the number and then the staff would notify me of where she is. However, I could see that going the same way as the key alarm thing. She would probably refuse to wear it. I have been wondering if I should get a third party to discuss this matter with her rather than myself. Maybe if someone ELSE makes the suggestion, she'd be more likely to follow through.

The other reason I'm slowly coming to the realization that maybe a home is the better way is that even when the money thing is straightened out, I would be looking at having to hire several in home care people to look after her. I was thinking that this might end up costing the same or more than a facility would. Again though, there is the impact on her emotional state.

I think I'll have to talk to the specialist about this. Sadly the people at the Alzheimers Society are kinda useless for this sort of thing.
wolfsbride: (dream)
Omg! The year is one month gone already. Whoa.

Hm. Time to take stock. All things considered, things are going so so. On the one hand, physically mother is doing well. On the other hand, emotionally, I think she's bored and perhaps a bit depressed even. But she never wants to do anything or go anywhere and she can't do games or anything that requires mental cohesion, so until she gets over that I don't want to go out thing, she's out of luck.

Financially, I'm still trying to get something that will let me deal with the bank. I need to poke the specialist again. I think it's getting past the receptionist that's the problem. Some of those girls are like Nazis or something. You'd think THEY were paying the doctor they way they refuse to pass on messages. I may have to actually MAKE an appointment to see him just to ask my two stupid questions.

On the food front dinner is still hit and miss. I think I either need to confiscate her tea or find some way of getting the timing better. She's filling up on tea I think. Also, you know how grown up kids have a rude awakening when they hear themselves say something to their kids that their parents always said to them and they swore they'd never say to their kids? Today I said to my mom, no candy before dinner. I mean it's another thing for her to fill up on. I think I'm going to have to not give it to her when I buy it because she'll just eat the whole thing and not even think about eating regular food. And yeah, we had that conversation too, while standing in the kitchen.

In the meantime, I've decided I'm going to stop trying so hard. I've been reading a bit about Taoism and working with things instead of against them. So I'm going to try to work on the things I can actually do something about and let the rest go. I was making us both miserable the other way. We'll see how it goes.

My Alzheimers class has been helpful, not in a practical way since most of the stuff I've figured out on my own, but in the way of listening to where other people are at. Most of the people in my class are stilling working through the denial to acceptance stage. I've been really fortunate that my life attitude seems to be okay, we have a problem. Let's deal with it and get on with life. I've never seen the point of being all wah wah woe is me why me. I don't know. Maybe that attitude just attracts more problems to me. Sometimes it sure seems like it. But that's my attitude and I think I'll keep it.
wolfsbride: (Default)
Ugggggh. I didn't do anything today because I woke up with a migraine. First one in a few months, though I'm not surprised. Anyway, I might as well have continued with my usual Sunday routine as getting my mother to grasp the fact that no, really. You need to leave me alone, just didn't cut it.

Sometimes I wonder if I made signs that said, you've already told me that or that answered the questions she's always asking me, would help or if they'd just be rude. Anyway, fortunately, her idiot gentleman friend came and took her to church so I was able to get some sleep.

I feel pretty good right now but man, I must remember not to let on that I'm sick ever again. It's like annoy you with kindness? Why YES!
wolfsbride: (logan cartoon)
Fortunately! I used my mother's credit card so it's not like I'm out anything.

The key ringers came in the mail today. I put them on mom's keys. Guess how long they stayed on there.

So that's it. I'm not dealing with this any more. I wrote up a thing that says she is not to ask me for help looking for her keys the next time she loses them and made her put her name on it.

Maybe it's harsh, but she wants to be independent and pretend like she doesn't have a problem, then have at it.

IF I should come across her keys on my way to something else, great. If not, she's out of luck.

I give up.
wolfsbride: (black wolf)
I'm on a roll here it seems. I'm hoping she swings back the other way before she loses the pounds she gained earlier. Will try and get her into the doctor hopefully this week now that the weather is supposed to be non snowy and we'll see where we're at weight wise.

I'm still holding steady at 266, which considering I've not been exercising or eating particularly well was surprising.
wolfsbride: (wakyou!)
So today not only didn't I get dinner into her, I didn't get much in the way of lunch into her as well. She wanted to make her own sandwich today which I was all yay about because I figured it was progress but then she proceeded to just basically have toast because she refused to put any meat in between the two slices no matter what I said. I just left her to it rather than get into an argument about it. But then she didn't want anything for dinner either.

Oh well.
wolfsbride: (Default)
I am considering cutting back my mother's snacks. I think that's part of the problem with the not eating dinner thing. At least I got breakfast and lunch into her.
wolfsbride: (logan cartoon)
So! Dear Friend! Provider of yummy food! Your tofu meatloaf is scrumptious! And so moist! Not like most meat loaf I have encountered. I know this because alas and alack, mother decided she didn't need to eat dinner AFTER I had got it ready. So I ate it for her. I'm surprised I didn't break a tooth from gritting my teeth.

Sigh. I'm gonna go read the fanfic you linked me to cheer myself up.
wolfsbride: (Default)
Pro - It was delicious! I know you said you thought it needed more gravy but it was actually just right. And it was not overly salty as I have found store bought Shepard's pie to be.

Con - ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! Every five minutes... Is there something in the oven? The oven is hot. Can I turn off the oven?

I lie it wasn't every five minutes. At least not for the first hour. The last half hour though was a killer. That was pretty much every ten minutes and then in the last fifteen minutes it was like every three minutes.

BUT! I muscled through it and survived and had pie! So thanks very much!
wolfsbride: (snow wolf)
Sigh.... Even after nine months I'm still not used to having to think for my mother.

Today I did a bunch of running around in the morning and then when I got home, I had just sat down and she came to me and said - do you have any sugar???

I thought she'd just misplaced it, so I went to the kitchen to look. And yes, we were actually out. It was on the tip of my tongue to say why didn't you TELL me but....

Sigh. I should have thought to check but I wasn't going out specifically to get groceries... which is when I check and see what we're out of or low on. And god dammit... I don't understand how one person can go through a 2kg bag of sugar in a month. All she uses it for is to make TEA! How much sugar is she putting in the damn tea anyway????

Anyway... I wasn't going to go out again just to get sugar. So then I had to put up with mother asking me about sugar every five minutes since that is the nature of the beast.
wolfsbride: (Default)
So today I finally gave up on lawyers and phoned a notary about my situation with mom. They had to phone me back because at first they were giving me the same spiel as the lawyers did but as soon as I said - Darn. That's the same thing the lawyers told me. I was hoping you would have some suggestions. They were MORE than happy to go see if they could find someone that had any thoughts.

So. What I need to do is to have my doctor write a letter documenting the state of my mother's mental awareness and then bring it and her down to their office on the same day as when the letter was written.

I will keep you posted. I hope this works.

In other news, I'm still awake after going to bed at 12am and getting up at 5:15! Wot? And before you scold me, I didn't intend to get up at 5:15. I had thought I'd sleep right through until my intended get up time of 7:30 but for some reason I popped awake at that time and couldn't get back to sleep, so I got up and have been going ever since.

I sure hope I sleep through tonight.
wolfsbride: (pissed wolf)
Early this morning - and when I say early I mean 3am - the fire alarm on our floor went off.

Now our building has a history of false alarms, so much so that at one point instead of coming out the fire department would call and be all - Is there a fire? And the manager would be all - Uh.. I don't think so? And the fire department would be all - Okay good. Bye!

Which... I mean. I understand that it's annoying to come out fifty times a month to find out there's never a problem but some how I think imposing a fine for wasting your departments time is a little LESS negligent than never showing up on the off chance that ONE of those times there will be a be a fire. The other downside of this is that people don't respond. When these false alarms first started, the lobby would be full of people. Now we're lucky if five people show up outside the building. This is dangerous.

Anyway, I'm babbling about this because this latest false alarm made me realize how the Alzheimers is going to impact our response to any future emergencies. For example, I blearily woke up when the fire alarm went off, threw on my house coat and my jacket and went to get mom up. I'm all we need to go downstairs until we get the all clear. My mom is all okay let me put on my clothes. So while I'm trying to get her out of the apartment by telling her we need to move quickly, my mom is all, I can't go out like this!?!?!? She just doesn't get the need for speed in the jumbled mess that's become her brain.

So... I guess she'll be the best dressed corpse.
wolfsbride: (black wolf)
...is that you can't legitimately get mad at them.

It'd be like screaming at a little kid. Or kicking a small animal.

A few minutes ago my mother woke me up to ask me if she can borrow my keys. She did this by grabbing my leg. I don't know about you, but I'm not good when startled awake.

After I discerned that she was wanting my keys because she couldn't find hers, I had to distract her because HELL IF I'M GOING TO GIVE HER MY KEYS SO SHE CAN LOSE THEM TOO. The losing the keys thing is an on going issue because my mother WILL NOT LISTEN to me when I tell her to PLEASE leave them pinned to her pocket.

No, she has to have them in her hand at all times. Consequently, she ends up putting them down all over the place.

So just now as I did a systematic search of the place, I guess she could sense that I was not at all happy because she stood in the hallway wringing her hands and repeating I'm sorry; I'm sorry; I'm sorry over and over again.

Which on the one hand made me want to scream at her that being sorry wasn't going to help find her keys and on the other hand made me feel like Hitler on a bad day.

I found her keys on top of the fridge. I have no idea. I honestly can't even fathom the series of events that would have led to that.

Its one of those 'I want to shove her under a bus' days.
wolfsbride: (wakyou!)
1. People - doctors and friends - that ask me questions about my mother's condition while SHE'S RIGHT THERE! Uh... yes. Let's tactfully talk about how my mother's loony, shall we? And then I have to deal with her pouting for the rest of the day. Nice.

2. People - friends - who SAY if you need anything, don't hesitate to call! But when you call, they're so terribly busy and couldn't possibly. I get that everyone's life is tres busy, but I'm not asking that you drop everything right this second. I'm asking you to make some time to help me, like next week or next month or something... Please don't say you'll help if you won't. It's annoying.

3. People - friends - who are too busy to help but never too busy to dispense information. Such as... Omg! Your mother needs to eat more! Or you should hire people to look after your mother! Or my personal favourite.... You should be doing more for your mother!

God grant me patience in abundance.

December 2012

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