wolfsbride

So we were trying again with Mom's case worker. Apparently, they can do what is called an emergency assessment which allows them to place people somewhere, on a continuing temporary basis until more permanent facilities can be found. So, that is what my friend who is helping me had tried to arrange for today.

( The Saga )

But what do these two things have in common, you say? Perhaps nothing. It's only that I started thinking about it today as the Weekend News Report had a looping set of news, one of which was Canada giving 227 million dollars to Afghanistan. Now the money is for good things. Like educating women.

Not enough funding! Can't repair the hospitals! Can't hire nurses! We don't have the funding. This is an ongoing lament in the health care industry. And health care seems to be one of the first places hit by cut backs when whomever happens to be in power decides we need to cut spending. And governments will often say, sorry there's no money in the budget for whatever.

I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this.

It's grand that we want to help other countries but I couldn't help thinking... It'd be nice if Canada spent that money on its own citizens. If there's no money to feed, clothe and house our own people, how come we can find money to feed, clothe and house someone else's.

In case you're thinking this is a view that has been brought on by the current events in my life, let me assure you that it is not. I've ALWAYS found it to be extremely weird to donate millions of dollars to other citizens while ignoring our own. In my head, a country lives and breathes as a result of its people. It seems mind boggling to me that a country's first priority would not be to its own.

So, today one of mom's friends came over with some money and I took the opportunity to go shopping without mom. Bought enough easily made food items to hopefully last for a couple of weeks until the next lot of money comes in. Came home and made something for mom to eat and a salad for myself and sat down with mom and the friend.

After we'd eaten, I got up to get some of the dessert - ambrosia salad - that I had bought for mom because I know she likes sweet things. As I was working in the kitchen, mom's friend started to sort of ask her questions. We'd decided to do this because I could never get her to tell me what's going on in her head.

One of the questions her friend asked her was does she think I'm trust worthy. She wouldn't answer the question. She said things like - oh well, that's not important. Or that doesn't matter. So after a little more talking, her friend then asked her if I was taking good care of her. With no hesitation, my mother said: When it's convenient for her.

I could tell how shocked her friend was because she kinda fumbled and then was all.. but... she makes you food and takes you places doesn't she? Makes sure you're all right? And again my mother replied: When it's convenient for her.

So there you have it. Apparently, I should be holding her hand 24/7. Clearly the fact that I actually have to WORK to provide stuff for her has become this HUGE thing in her mind. Which, really, if she'd signed the damn power of attorney like she was supposed to, I wouldn't have to work so damn much to pay for things and then I COULD spend time with her.

So, when the lady finally left, I just cleaned up the few dishes and told her I was going to bed. And then I barred my door so she couldn't get in to bother me every five minutes like she normally does. I'm pretty much sitting in the dark crying as I write this because I've gone into debt and worn myself ragged looking after her and that's the thanks I get.

Tomorrow I'm going to see if the lady that lives close to us can take her for the whole day. I can't even look at her right now without wanting to punch her in the face.

First, ma and I went to the doctor. After getting all the health things out of the way, when we get down to the issue of the letter he's supposed to write, he was all is there a form to fill out???

I'm like.. uh. no. you said you knew how to do this??

So then he turns to mom and says: Okay, Rosalie - a power of attorney is piece of paper that will let Judith help you with financial and legal matters. Do you understand and is that okay?

And mom is all.. well that sounds like a good idea for down the road. And the doctor is all.. no, it's a good idea for right NOW. Is that okay? And my mom is all well i don't know about these things and rambles all around the bush about how it's a good idea for the future. Finally the doctor just gave up and scribbled on the pad that I came for a power of attorney. So fat lot of good that's going to do us.

So then we went to the notary and she did the same thing to the notary. The woman tried every combination of words.. and all my mom would say was oh that sounds like a good idea for down the road. And then it turns out that SHE needs id anyway, so even if she'd said yes it would have been a no go.

Anyway, she got us to sign the papers. But she can't make them official until we get ma to say yes its okay for me to look after her finances and show id. So she said to set up another appointment when the id comes in and we'll try again then. In the meantime she's going to talk to the doctor and see if she can get him to write up something a little more formal. I don't know why the hell she didn't do that in the first place.

So, I'm still no further ahead than I was. Tomorrow I'm going to try call ma's bank and see if I can talk to the branch manager again. There's got to be a way that they can ID her on a visual basis and let her do her banking that way.

So... This afternoon I was getting ma ready to go out to run some errands since I can't leave her alone now. She was just inside the kitchen and I was just outside getting ready to head to the door when she pipes up with... Oh, I think I'll have a glass of this juice here. Now I'm all.. Juice? What juice? So I go back to see what the hell she's talking about.

She has a small glass on the counter empty but in her hand was a bottle of all purpose cleaner that HAPPENED to be orange coloured. My mind is boggling. I say to her.. Mom. Read the label. What does it say?

Mom: All purpose cleaner.

Me: So?

Mom: *looks at me blankly*

Me: *thinking... ooookay* It means you can't drink it okay?

Mom: Oh.

Me: *promptly hides it away.

Like... so now I'm going to have to child proof the house. Fortunately, out of sight equals out of mind for my mother. But OMG! She was going to DRINK it!

Though... It's a sad thing to say... If she had; I'd get to take her to emergency and then I'd be able to FORCE them to put her in the system instead of having to WAIT a billion years for the red tape to clear.

And they wonder why senior abuse is a problem.

Yesterday, I had to come down to my unit at the Co-op for 8am in order to let the plumber in to replace the hot water tank. I was told it would take a few hours so I brought my laptop and spent some of the time watching Rick Mercer on Youtube. I came across this one, a rant on Bullying.

Part of what he talks about is how as adults we forget what it can be like in school for some kids or yourself, I suppose. I can't find the video now, OF COURSE, but some one from the Coalition Against Adult Bullies had posted a rebuttal in which they took offense at Rick Mercer's rant saying that he totally ignored the fact that many adults are bullied as well.

( HUGE SIGH... )

My mother has these house slippers that make a funny flip creak noise when she walks. And by funny I mean ANNOYING. And let me tell you something else. That noise has become like the THEME FROM JAWS to me. Whenever I hear it, I immediately tense up in anticipation of the next round of mind boggling inane conversation.

You're probably wondering what Jaws has to do with Poe. Well, they're both horror stories :D

Its really funny. In one of the classes, part of the presentation was how to treat people with Alzheimer's. For example with respect and so forth. The last one was with unconditional love and the lecturer was all, you know, this is the only slide I dislike out of the whole series because not everyone who is looking after someone is doing it out of love and I found myself thinking....

Even if you WERE doing it out of love, the day to day grind would slowly but surely turn that love into hate. One of the most prevalent things you'll see in regards to elderly is what they call senior abuse. And I can't help but feel that maybe if the government got their heads out of their asses and acknowledged the fact that yes, the population is getting older and yes, not everyone is well off enough to afford private care and actually did something to facilitate the building of more facilities rather than shutting down the ones we have, people wouldn't be shoving their seniors into a dark closet, why hello there, Harry!

When I started thinking about my mom and outside facilities, I went online to get some sort of idea of what was available in our city. THERE ARE FIVE FACILITIES that are government regulated - meaning the cost is indexed to your income so that they can't charge you an arm and three legs if you can't afford it. FIVE! In a city of 200,000.

I couldn't find any numbers on how many seniors there are in our city, but if we even take just 1% of that number, that's 2,000 elderly people. The number of opening in all five facilities add up to 630. So yeah. Where's YOUR ma or pa gonna sleep?

Omg. *strangles everyone*

As I expected... The actual visit with the specialist took less time than the actual wait to get in. Five minutes. In which I learn.... Oh! Your mom's medication has been approved since November 2011! Actually the first thing he said about it was oh! You go to the pharmacist to do that!

Me: Oh! *amazingly refraining from stabbing the specialist in the eye*

Specialist: Well yeah. I'm sure I said that.

Me: *not saying anything LESS I SMITE HIM WITH A MOST HORRIBLE SMITTING!!! OMG!

Specialist: Well, let me look and see if I did it.

Me: *thinking* YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO DO IT AND THEN CALL ME WHEN IT WENT THROUGH! *but I don't say that because... see previous reaction*

Specialist: Oh yes. Here is it... It's been approved since November 2011. At which point he gives me a look and says... So... You haven't filled it YET??? LIKE IT'S MY FAULT!!!

Me: No, I have not. *gritting teeth*

Then the letter issue. I explain to him what it is the notary wants and that I had gone to the GP first and the GP had said to see him.

Specialist: Well.... You know... He can write the letter.

Me: Oh.

Specialist: Yes. I'm busy you know.

Me: *thinking* Doing what? Surely not LOOKING AFTER PATIENTS.

Specialist: This is how I do it. So just make sure he does it that way.

Me: Okay, fine. Thank you... FOR NOTHING! But I course I don't say that bit out loud.

And then to top a great day off.. I fell as I was leaving the building.. So I had to get on the bus all covered in mud. The bus driver didn't want to let me on.

AND THEN.... I called the notary. The person that is in charge of doing these things is... you guessed.. away on holidays. And she only works two days a week. So I left a message on her voice mail.

SIGH! Two steps forward - Six steps back.

Between migraines and allergies and periods and life, I'm beat. Migraine and period have run their course. Allergy is still hanging on. Annoying. Should be sleeping but it's one of those nights where you can't turn off your brain. I have lots of stuff to do tomorrow. Will be interesting to see how much I get done.

So this was the last class in this series. This one generated by far the most discussion. The class actually ran over time.

Anyway, here's a list of what we covered and my thoughts.

1. The importance of early planning - They talked about talking about wills and estates and power of attorney as a family and making decisions now etc. which is all well and good if you're in a situation where your family is willing to deal with these issues in a timely manner. Yes, it solves a lot of problems but unfortunately, in my case, my mother was dead set against signing anything. She kept putting if off and off and well, you know how that worked out.

2. Personal planning tools - The had a check list of things that you need to be aware of which will be helpful if I ever get past the financial stage. They also talked about enduring power of attorney, representation agreements, committeship and advance directive. So at least now I actually understand what's involved in getting my mother declared non compos mentis if I have to go that far.

3. Safety issues - driving, wandering - what it says on the can. The driving isn't an issue for mom, thank goodness. But the wandering is. See other post. The Society offers a Wandering package which has a bracelet that's keyed into the police system. Again though, the problem might be would she wear it.

4. Navigating the System - This was most helpful! I now have a phone number I can call to get a case manager for my mom. Hopefully. Apparently, they are very understaffed. Surprise surprise. The wait time for a call back can be as much as six months. Lets hope I get lucky. I'm overdue.