Feb. 6th, 2012

wolfsbride: (Default)
I am slowly coming to the realization that perhaps trying to look after my mother in her home is not for the best after all.

My main reason for going this route in the first place was that I felt putting her in a home when she was still quite lucid would be a death knell to her. When I first brought her home from the hospital, her emotional state was quite despondent. She talked death and hiding away and other metaphors that reflected her wish to escape from this new thing that was happening to her. It was for that reason that I accepted the responsibility of looking after her. Also, at the time she was quite amenable.

However, as her emotional state has improved, her personality has become much more stubborn. As mentioned in other posts, she does not listen to anything I say. It's quite frustrating as we'll go to doctor appointments and the doctors will say now you must do this and this and she'll meekly nod and say yes, doctor. And then she'll come home and do the exact opposite.

I'm beginning to feel as though it would be better if a total stranger was interacting with her. I'm wondering if they would have better results in getting her to do things. For example, her personal hygiene is lacking. Like she'll wash up in the sink but she hasn't had a bath or shower or washed her hair for months. Every time I ask her if she wants me to help her with those things she blows it off or gets mad.

Today she went to take out the garbage and clearly got lost as she was gone for two and a half hours. I found her in the lobby standing around. I said to her what are you doing down here? She replied. Oh, I'm just looking around. When I mentioned that she was gone for two and a half hours and asked her if she got lost, she totally flipped out. I had been thinking of getting her some sort of id in order facilitate her recovery if she should go missing. Last week's class included a brochure for an id bracelet that is a bit like the medic alert bracelets in that if someone found her they call the number and then the staff would notify me of where she is. However, I could see that going the same way as the key alarm thing. She would probably refuse to wear it. I have been wondering if I should get a third party to discuss this matter with her rather than myself. Maybe if someone ELSE makes the suggestion, she'd be more likely to follow through.

The other reason I'm slowly coming to the realization that maybe a home is the better way is that even when the money thing is straightened out, I would be looking at having to hire several in home care people to look after her. I was thinking that this might end up costing the same or more than a facility would. Again though, there is the impact on her emotional state.

I think I'll have to talk to the specialist about this. Sadly the people at the Alzheimers Society are kinda useless for this sort of thing.
wolfsbride: (Default)
So this was the last class in this series. This one generated by far the most discussion. The class actually ran over time.

Anyway, here's a list of what we covered and my thoughts.

1. The importance of early planning - They talked about talking about wills and estates and power of attorney as a family and making decisions now etc. which is all well and good if you're in a situation where your family is willing to deal with these issues in a timely manner. Yes, it solves a lot of problems but unfortunately, in my case, my mother was dead set against signing anything. She kept putting if off and off and well, you know how that worked out.

2. Personal planning tools - The had a check list of things that you need to be aware of which will be helpful if I ever get past the financial stage. They also talked about enduring power of attorney, representation agreements, committeship and advance directive. So at least now I actually understand what's involved in getting my mother declared non compos mentis if I have to go that far.

3. Safety issues - driving, wandering - what it says on the can. The driving isn't an issue for mom, thank goodness. But the wandering is. See other post. The Society offers a Wandering package which has a bracelet that's keyed into the police system. Again though, the problem might be would she wear it.

4. Navigating the System - This was most helpful! I now have a phone number I can call to get a case manager for my mom. Hopefully. Apparently, they are very understaffed. Surprise surprise. The wait time for a call back can be as much as six months. Lets hope I get lucky. I'm overdue.

December 2012

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