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wolfsbrideFor those of you who don't know, my mother was an RN for thirty plus years. If I'd have to use one word to describe her during those years it would be capable. She was a constant inspiration to me of what a woman could accomplish.
In September 2008, she retired from work and I was flabbergasted by the change. It was like losing the work routine totally shifted something in her brain. Instead of this competent, well put together woman I remembered, I was confronted with this fearful, neurotic doddering person. I actually had to move back in with her for several months. I spent weeks trying to convince her she'd have enough money from her pension to live on. She worried about it constantly.
I finally sat down with her and when through her bank book. It was with the idea of showing her, this is what's going in and this is what's coming out and see you do have enough left. It was a huge eye opener to me because my mother had absolutely no idea what was going on with her money. As I took her through each item, I was able to account for everything except for several automatic withdrawals that came out every month. She didn't have a clue what they were. So I had to go with her to the bank and they were able to tell us that the smaller withdrawals were automatic donations. The larger withdrawal was the premium on what was once an insurance policy. However, the insurance company had been bought and sold multiple times and it wasn't even an insurance company anymore. Yet, they were still taking money out of my mother's account. I got the bank stop all those, so that was one mess straightened out .
Slowly, she lost her paranoia and grew confident enough that I felt okay leaving her on her own again. So I moved back into my own place. I remained in contact with her though, making my calls daily instead of just the weekly calls I had been doing before that episode. That's when I noticed that her memory was slipping. I felt it was because she was just sitting at home doing nothing but watching tv, so I tried to get her to go out to things. When I would go to visit, I'd take her on walks with me etc. I thought I was doing well, but it all came to a head several months ago when she informed me that I was trying to control her life and she doesn't have to do what I tell her to. Honestly, I almost expected her to go 'you're not the boss of me!'
So after that, I backed off. I still called daily but I stopped trying to get her to go places with me. I continued to visit weekly, at which time I'd review her bank and credit card statements to make sure nothing weird was going on. I assumed, clearly in error, that if something came up, she would let me know about it in one of our daily conversations.
Yesterday, I went over to visit her on the way to a get together at a friend's place. The first thing I noticed as I walked in the door was that her laptop was missing. I said, oh, did you move the laptop to your bedroom? She then informed me that it had been stolen a couple of days ago. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I had talked to her on Friday and she didn't say a thing about it!
I am so mad right now because apparently what happened was she'd had a couple of friends over and while they were still there, her ride (she was to go out somewhere else) showed up and instead of waiting for her to shoo the people out of her apartment and then go, he hurried her out and SHE LEFT THE PEOPLE IN HER APARTMENT!!! When she got home from wherever, the laptop was gone. Who in their right mind would rush someone out of their place letting them leave people behind??? This is the same guy that let her go to London Drugs and leave the phone she wanted to return there without getting her money back. The other thing is - Why would she LET him rush her out of her place??? I mean she KNEW one of the two friends she invited over had money issues. I can't believe she would let him in her house to begin with.
I really don't want to have to move back in with my mom, but right now, I'm feeling like that's my only option. She's clearly hanging out with idiots and her judgment can not be trusted.
In September 2008, she retired from work and I was flabbergasted by the change. It was like losing the work routine totally shifted something in her brain. Instead of this competent, well put together woman I remembered, I was confronted with this fearful, neurotic doddering person. I actually had to move back in with her for several months. I spent weeks trying to convince her she'd have enough money from her pension to live on. She worried about it constantly.
I finally sat down with her and when through her bank book. It was with the idea of showing her, this is what's going in and this is what's coming out and see you do have enough left. It was a huge eye opener to me because my mother had absolutely no idea what was going on with her money. As I took her through each item, I was able to account for everything except for several automatic withdrawals that came out every month. She didn't have a clue what they were. So I had to go with her to the bank and they were able to tell us that the smaller withdrawals were automatic donations. The larger withdrawal was the premium on what was once an insurance policy. However, the insurance company had been bought and sold multiple times and it wasn't even an insurance company anymore. Yet, they were still taking money out of my mother's account. I got the bank stop all those, so that was one mess straightened out .
Slowly, she lost her paranoia and grew confident enough that I felt okay leaving her on her own again. So I moved back into my own place. I remained in contact with her though, making my calls daily instead of just the weekly calls I had been doing before that episode. That's when I noticed that her memory was slipping. I felt it was because she was just sitting at home doing nothing but watching tv, so I tried to get her to go out to things. When I would go to visit, I'd take her on walks with me etc. I thought I was doing well, but it all came to a head several months ago when she informed me that I was trying to control her life and she doesn't have to do what I tell her to. Honestly, I almost expected her to go 'you're not the boss of me!'
So after that, I backed off. I still called daily but I stopped trying to get her to go places with me. I continued to visit weekly, at which time I'd review her bank and credit card statements to make sure nothing weird was going on. I assumed, clearly in error, that if something came up, she would let me know about it in one of our daily conversations.
Yesterday, I went over to visit her on the way to a get together at a friend's place. The first thing I noticed as I walked in the door was that her laptop was missing. I said, oh, did you move the laptop to your bedroom? She then informed me that it had been stolen a couple of days ago. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I had talked to her on Friday and she didn't say a thing about it!
I am so mad right now because apparently what happened was she'd had a couple of friends over and while they were still there, her ride (she was to go out somewhere else) showed up and instead of waiting for her to shoo the people out of her apartment and then go, he hurried her out and SHE LEFT THE PEOPLE IN HER APARTMENT!!! When she got home from wherever, the laptop was gone. Who in their right mind would rush someone out of their place letting them leave people behind??? This is the same guy that let her go to London Drugs and leave the phone she wanted to return there without getting her money back. The other thing is - Why would she LET him rush her out of her place??? I mean she KNEW one of the two friends she invited over had money issues. I can't believe she would let him in her house to begin with.
I really don't want to have to move back in with my mom, but right now, I'm feeling like that's my only option. She's clearly hanging out with idiots and her judgment can not be trusted.
