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Day 318 - Adventures in Banking
Nov. 14th, 2009 01:31 pmLet me preface this by saying I think we should go back to the barter system or stuffing our mattress full of money. That should give you some idea as to how the adventures went.
Last night I lost my debit card. I figure I dropped it in the parking lot of the last store I was at. Went back to look and whatnot but it was dark and yada yada. That is not our tale.
Our tale begins this morning when I went to my bank to get a new debit card. Fool that I am, I thought if I had my id, that would be sufficient. Not so. They wanted to know my account number. Well I don't know my account number off the top of my head. Again foolishly, I figured if they needed that, they could just use my name to pull it up. Apparently not. They also wanted to know my card number. I don't know my whole card number. I just know the last eight digits cuz that's all I need to know for online banking. So nada. Anyway, they tell me I can call the head office where apparently they'll be able to verify that I am who I say I am. I guess seeing someone face to face isn't good enough. Wot? I don't know.
I'm pretty annoyed when I leave because I have money to deposit so I can pay my bills. So I decide to head to the bank where I have my credit card. I figure okay fine, I'll just open an account there and deposit my pay cheque. At least then I'll be able to pay my bills while I wait for my debit card to come in. Assuming head office believes I'm me.
So I get there and I ask two questions. How long will it take to open an account here? Ten minutes! Fifteen minutes tops! Okay, so far, so good. Most important question - Do you hold money deposited in branch? Oh no! Okay fine. I'll open an account. Things run along smoothly. They set me up with an account and a debit card and I even qualify for their new client promotion deal! Which I think is kinda rude to existing clients but whatever, I'm in a hurry. They take my pay cheque and go away to deposit it. The end is in sight. Then they come back with the papers to sign - just sign here and you're finished. You'll have access to your money on the 24th.
SCREECH!!! Uh.. What? Oh, we have to hold the funds because it's a new account. Uh... But... You said... *grinding of teeth* I wish you'd said something. I have bills I need to pay. Oh. Would you like us to contact the issuer's bank to verify funds? Yes, please, I say, nobly refraining from strangling someone. And how long will that take? Only a few minutes! Would you like to wait? Yes, I think I'd better.
AN HOUR LATER AND TWO PHONE CALLS LATER... During the second of which it becomes clear they never even STARTED to process the request to verify from the first call... Uh. Our fax systems seem to be down. Oh really. Uh yes. I'll.. I'll go switch to a different system. Yes, you go do that.
TEN MINUTES LATER... Uh.. We're still having problems... Uh.. Maybe you should go home. I'm sure the funds will be available soon. Uh huh.
Anyway, I leave because I've already wasted my morning there and my being there isn't going to make the machines work any faster. And the punchline to this joke is that as I'm sitting there SEETHING... all around me are pictures of how the bank excels in making clients happy MOCKING ME FROM THE WALLS. Yeah. I'm a happy client. You only THINK I'm happy. What seems to be a toothy grin is actually teeth gritted in a snarl of anger.
Last night I lost my debit card. I figure I dropped it in the parking lot of the last store I was at. Went back to look and whatnot but it was dark and yada yada. That is not our tale.
Our tale begins this morning when I went to my bank to get a new debit card. Fool that I am, I thought if I had my id, that would be sufficient. Not so. They wanted to know my account number. Well I don't know my account number off the top of my head. Again foolishly, I figured if they needed that, they could just use my name to pull it up. Apparently not. They also wanted to know my card number. I don't know my whole card number. I just know the last eight digits cuz that's all I need to know for online banking. So nada. Anyway, they tell me I can call the head office where apparently they'll be able to verify that I am who I say I am. I guess seeing someone face to face isn't good enough. Wot? I don't know.
I'm pretty annoyed when I leave because I have money to deposit so I can pay my bills. So I decide to head to the bank where I have my credit card. I figure okay fine, I'll just open an account there and deposit my pay cheque. At least then I'll be able to pay my bills while I wait for my debit card to come in. Assuming head office believes I'm me.
So I get there and I ask two questions. How long will it take to open an account here? Ten minutes! Fifteen minutes tops! Okay, so far, so good. Most important question - Do you hold money deposited in branch? Oh no! Okay fine. I'll open an account. Things run along smoothly. They set me up with an account and a debit card and I even qualify for their new client promotion deal! Which I think is kinda rude to existing clients but whatever, I'm in a hurry. They take my pay cheque and go away to deposit it. The end is in sight. Then they come back with the papers to sign - just sign here and you're finished. You'll have access to your money on the 24th.
SCREECH!!! Uh.. What? Oh, we have to hold the funds because it's a new account. Uh... But... You said... *grinding of teeth* I wish you'd said something. I have bills I need to pay. Oh. Would you like us to contact the issuer's bank to verify funds? Yes, please, I say, nobly refraining from strangling someone. And how long will that take? Only a few minutes! Would you like to wait? Yes, I think I'd better.
AN HOUR LATER AND TWO PHONE CALLS LATER... During the second of which it becomes clear they never even STARTED to process the request to verify from the first call... Uh. Our fax systems seem to be down. Oh really. Uh yes. I'll.. I'll go switch to a different system. Yes, you go do that.
TEN MINUTES LATER... Uh.. We're still having problems... Uh.. Maybe you should go home. I'm sure the funds will be available soon. Uh huh.
Anyway, I leave because I've already wasted my morning there and my being there isn't going to make the machines work any faster. And the punchline to this joke is that as I'm sitting there SEETHING... all around me are pictures of how the bank excels in making clients happy MOCKING ME FROM THE WALLS. Yeah. I'm a happy client. You only THINK I'm happy. What seems to be a toothy grin is actually teeth gritted in a snarl of anger.
