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wolfsbrideSigh. A couple of years ago my mother retired from her work and at the time I was happy for her as I figured, she'd worked hard now she can enjoy herself. Turns out my mother's idea of enjoying herself was to sit around watching TV.
For a while, I would visit a couple times a week and sort of take her places with me, just so she wasn't sitting staring at the walls all week long. That finally culminated in a big 'I don't have to do what you say! You don't control my life!' thing. So I had to stop doing that and my mom went back to doing nothing at all.
About the middle of 2009, I had the opportunity to spent a week with my mom which involved being around her 24/7. It was then that I noticed that her memory was getting quite bad. But sadly, whenever I brought up the topic with her, she would deny it saying "there's nothing wrong with MY memory! I'm fine!"
Since we share the same doctor, I spoke to him about it saying that I know you can't discuss her with me because of confidentiality but here's the things that I'm seeing and here are my concerns. He took notes and said that he would put them in her file and the next time she came in to see him, he would do an assessment to see where she was at and then he'd be able to figure out what needed to be done.
Well, apparently my mom would forget to show up for her appointments. I actually got a call from his office telling me that she'd have appointments but she was not coming. And of course, even though I call her every evening, clearly she was not remembering to tell ME about the appointments otherwise I'd have made sure she got there. So I told them, make another appointment and I'll bring her to it.Well! That went over like a lead balloon. She wouldn't leave the house with me. Again it was all you don't control my life! I don't have to do what you say! So that was a bust.
The other thing that was happening at this time was I was helping her sort her paperwork, she would bring me over a little bag I'd go through it and then she'd bring another little bag over. At this rate it would have taken me a year probably since my mom has a LOT OF PAPERWORK she hasn't even bothered to open never mind sort. So on December 29, since I had another doctor's appointment and our doctor is close to her place, I went over there after my appointment was over and started working my way through the bags and bags of mail she has lying around.
It was then that I realized that a) my mom neglected to pay her credit card bill for something like nearly two years. I have NO IDEA why the credit card company did not cut her off. I'm guessing it was because she was not over her credit limit. They did however jack her interest up from 19.50% to a whopping 26%. Finally in August 2010, she paid the balance in full but then I noticed from September 2010 to December 2010, she hadn't made any payments again, so the cycle was repeating itself.
She'd also neglected to pay her bills. I actually had to go in and pay a few out of my own account as they were threatening to cut her off for non payment. I actually ended up taking the last few days of December off so I could deal with this. When she finally came home, three days later, I managed to get her to give me her wallet. I took her bank card and signed her up for online banking. So now I can at least check her accounts and make sure nothing weird is happening. However, what I really need to do is get power of attorney. That may or may not be another big fiasco.
Anyway, I had to make an appointment to go back to see my doctor after I was done taking the antibiotics he gave me so I thought okay, I will ask her to come with me. Maybe since it's not her own appointment she'll be okay with going and then I can spring the doctor on her. Well that was fine. She said sure! And she wrote it down on her calendar. AND THEN SHE DISAPPEARED AGAIN!
I just finally got a hold of her at her beau's house - a story for another time, let me tell you! - and she had totally forgotten she was supposed to come with me. And since it snowed today, she's not wanting to go anywhere otherwise I would have asked him to just drop her off at the doctors for me. So will have to try again.
This whole thing is at turns frustrating and amusing. Frustrating because I'm trying to help her and she's making it very difficult for me to do so and amusing because I find myself thinking, I sound like someone's parent. Now don't forget your coat. Did you eat breakfast? Have you got your keys? And where have you been! You need to tell me if you're going to be out all night! And I don't want you hanging out with that man! He's a bad influence!
Sigh.
For a while, I would visit a couple times a week and sort of take her places with me, just so she wasn't sitting staring at the walls all week long. That finally culminated in a big 'I don't have to do what you say! You don't control my life!' thing. So I had to stop doing that and my mom went back to doing nothing at all.
About the middle of 2009, I had the opportunity to spent a week with my mom which involved being around her 24/7. It was then that I noticed that her memory was getting quite bad. But sadly, whenever I brought up the topic with her, she would deny it saying "there's nothing wrong with MY memory! I'm fine!"
Since we share the same doctor, I spoke to him about it saying that I know you can't discuss her with me because of confidentiality but here's the things that I'm seeing and here are my concerns. He took notes and said that he would put them in her file and the next time she came in to see him, he would do an assessment to see where she was at and then he'd be able to figure out what needed to be done.
Well, apparently my mom would forget to show up for her appointments. I actually got a call from his office telling me that she'd have appointments but she was not coming. And of course, even though I call her every evening, clearly she was not remembering to tell ME about the appointments otherwise I'd have made sure she got there. So I told them, make another appointment and I'll bring her to it.Well! That went over like a lead balloon. She wouldn't leave the house with me. Again it was all you don't control my life! I don't have to do what you say! So that was a bust.
The other thing that was happening at this time was I was helping her sort her paperwork, she would bring me over a little bag I'd go through it and then she'd bring another little bag over. At this rate it would have taken me a year probably since my mom has a LOT OF PAPERWORK she hasn't even bothered to open never mind sort. So on December 29, since I had another doctor's appointment and our doctor is close to her place, I went over there after my appointment was over and started working my way through the bags and bags of mail she has lying around.
It was then that I realized that a) my mom neglected to pay her credit card bill for something like nearly two years. I have NO IDEA why the credit card company did not cut her off. I'm guessing it was because she was not over her credit limit. They did however jack her interest up from 19.50% to a whopping 26%. Finally in August 2010, she paid the balance in full but then I noticed from September 2010 to December 2010, she hadn't made any payments again, so the cycle was repeating itself.
She'd also neglected to pay her bills. I actually had to go in and pay a few out of my own account as they were threatening to cut her off for non payment. I actually ended up taking the last few days of December off so I could deal with this. When she finally came home, three days later, I managed to get her to give me her wallet. I took her bank card and signed her up for online banking. So now I can at least check her accounts and make sure nothing weird is happening. However, what I really need to do is get power of attorney. That may or may not be another big fiasco.
Anyway, I had to make an appointment to go back to see my doctor after I was done taking the antibiotics he gave me so I thought okay, I will ask her to come with me. Maybe since it's not her own appointment she'll be okay with going and then I can spring the doctor on her. Well that was fine. She said sure! And she wrote it down on her calendar. AND THEN SHE DISAPPEARED AGAIN!
I just finally got a hold of her at her beau's house - a story for another time, let me tell you! - and she had totally forgotten she was supposed to come with me. And since it snowed today, she's not wanting to go anywhere otherwise I would have asked him to just drop her off at the doctors for me. So will have to try again.
This whole thing is at turns frustrating and amusing. Frustrating because I'm trying to help her and she's making it very difficult for me to do so and amusing because I find myself thinking, I sound like someone's parent. Now don't forget your coat. Did you eat breakfast? Have you got your keys? And where have you been! You need to tell me if you're going to be out all night! And I don't want you hanging out with that man! He's a bad influence!
Sigh.
