wolfsbride: (interpretive crows)
[personal profile] wolfsbride
Why? I hear you not ask.

Well, my mission was to try to install some ancient drivers on a SUPER ANCIENT computer so that my friend would be able to run a slightly MORE ANCIENT printer so that she would then be able to print from an EQUALLY ANCIENT accounting program.

Our tale begins with the crapping out of her not so ancient printer. This one actually came with both parallel and USB ports so that should give an idea of the age. But suddenly in the middle of this one big accounting job on this stupidly ancient program, it stopped picking up paper. So in a panic she called me because I had mentioned at some point I had an old printer.

The first step was... I couldn't even REMEMBER if I still had the damn thing. I kinda thought that I had recycled it back when I has having my cleaning fit. But I hadn't. So she was all YAY! But I cautioned her!

Just because I have the printer doesn't mean anything. I don't think the toner in it will be any good. It's been sitting in my closet for four years. So our next step was to find some place that SOLD toners because the printer was so bloody old they don't sell toners for it any more in the regular stores. Fortunately my friend remembered there was some place that specialized in old stuff. So off we went yesterday. Got toner! WHOO!

BUT I cautioned her again. I didn't inherit the CDS with this printer. Without the drivers, the printer and computer won't be able to talk to each other. She was all don't you just have to hook them up and that's it. Me: Oy! I mean if the software was built in I suppose that would work. But we're talking fossil technology here.

So I explain. I said. Picture in human terms. Just because you hook up with someone, doesn't mean you hit it off. I can run Add Printer, which will tell the computer there is a printer attached. But without the proper drivers, it will be as if your computer speaks English and this printer speaks Dutch. They ain't gonna be able to work together.

So! What to do! I came home :D It was getting late and her place stank of perfume. It was giving me a headache. Last night after I got home, I consulted the all knowing Google and managed to find a download for ye old ancient drivers. So WHOO!

But no! The next problem. Could I get the file to a cd in a way that the ancient puter would be able to read! Since I've had this problem before. I formated a disk in the least complicated way I could and prayed over it.

Today she came to pick me up and I got on her computer. Put in the disk. Crossed my fingers. After five minutes of the lovely clunking whirring hiccuping noise - does anyone remember that? Ahhh, nostalgia - I peek at My Computer. YAY! It managed to load the disk. Next step. Could I open the cd? More crossing of fingers. I think I crossed my eyes as well. It did! It opened the cd. The file is sitting there staring at me! I double click. And wait. And wait. And wait. Then a Dos window pops up. Read/Writer error! And then, oh crap. It's hung. Damn! Aside: Does anyone remember Dos????

I reboot the computer. And by reboot I mean I turned it off by the switch not a shut down/reboot thing. So when it stars up again, I get that blue screen. Your computer has shut down improperly. Fond memories! So I let it run through the check thing. And load up. When it stops whiring. I pause. Clearly trying to access the file from the cd directly is not going to work.

So! I open up the cd again but instead of trying to run it, I do a copy/paste from the cd to the desktop. It starts doing something but at the end I get a this file is a read only file! ACCESS DENIED! Damn! But I'm an optimist, so I double click on the pasted file anyway. I figured, hey! It moved SOMETHING. Might as well see what it is.

HUZZAH! Another Dos window pops up. File names scroll past too fast to read. But hell, it looks promising. When the Dos window closes, I have about 20 files plastered all over the desktop. I make a New Folder and call it Brother HL 1040 DX - that's the name of the printer. I round up all the files - one of which is a setup file so I'm like GIDDY with hope - and corral them into the aforementioned folder. Then I open said folder and double click on setup.

OMG!! The screen goes dark! But then a bunch of text comes up. Welcome to the Brother HL 1040 DX Driver Installation! I WEEP with joy. I select English and let it do its thing. When it comes out of restart, I go to My Computer and open up the Printers folder. HALLELUYAH!!! The printer is listed there and it's set as the default.

I'm not so carried away with glee that I dont' do a test run though. I hook up the printer. I hadn't before because I figured it would be a waste of time to do it before finding out if the drivers would install. I find a small text document. IT PRINTS! I am delirious!

I turn my friend loose on the computer so she can get into her ancient program and see if it will print that also. IT DOES! My friend has the NERVE to complain about the print quality which is CLEAR except that the left hand edge of each page is dark. It's very tiny though. The actual print is very legible. I REMINDER her that said printer is almost THIRTEEN AND A HALF YEARS OLD! Cut it some slack!

The whole thing took me an hour. It might have been faster except that every five minutes my friend kept going - what's happening? What does that mean? Why is it doing that? And other such questions.

People do not realize that I AM NOT A COMPUTER GEEK! My sole expertise with computers is being able to POKE THE DAMN THING TIL SOMETHING WORKS ALL THE WHILE HOPING I DON'T BREAK THE STUPID THING! That's it. If you want explanations: Ask Bill Gates.
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